To Love Is To change, There Is No Way Around It

I noticed this strange thing that happens to people in love. If the relationship is healthy, they tend to “chill out” a little. This happened to my friend H. When he was single, he fancied himself a romantic hero and defined success as pulling bombastic leaps in his career. But after a year into his relationship, his output became steady and considered. His career no longer moves in spikes but in measured quarters. From the outset, it might seem like this guy has “lost his edge”, but his work is objectively better from a tempered place.

A similar thing happened to me when I fell in love with my partner. Like H, I too fancied myself a romantic hero in letters. I lived and breathed my identity as a writer and scholar. But when she entered my life, it was as if my feet had landed on solid ground. I started making healthier choices and found joy in cooking, appreciating a morning coffee and taking life slowly. During the first few months of our relationship, I also felt like I had “lost my edge”. But in reality, I was only letting go of my neurotic self.